Two Sides of the Moment

“Close your eyes and count to ten”

Another surprise? This has been the best day ever! I couldn’t sleep very good last night. I missed my dad. Mom said he was stuck at work but would be back as soon as possible. I don’t remember dad ever being stuck at work so it felt weird going to bed without him tucking me in. I think mom must have noticed that I didn’t sleep well because she told me I didn’t have to go to school if I didn’t want to. OF COURSE I didn’t want to. She kissed me on the forehead and said breakfast would be ready when I came downstairs.

I got dressed and pounced down the stairs faster than ever before, almost tripping over a big backpack by the door. I ran into the kitchen and saw the biggest plate of pancakes ever. I hopped to the table and waited anxiously as mom covered my pancakes in strawberries, blueberries, and way more syrup than she ever had. I was practically dancing as I scarfed down my food. Mom didn’t eat any, though. She was on her phone the whole time in the other room. When I was almost finished, she came back into the room and sat across from me. Her smile made me smile. I asked her about the bag at the front door and she said she was just cleaning out some things.

After breakfast, she took me to the park. And since everyone was in school, I had the whole place to myself. There weren’t even the moms with babies in strollers. I ran up the slide, jumped across the bridge, spun down the pole. Mom was on the phone again but she waved at me on the swings. I wanted to stay there all day but mom said we had to go home now. I asked if we could stay just a little longer and she said we had to go but she would race me through the woods on the way home.

Best. Day. Ever.

I thought mom was going to beat me to the woods. She was running fast. She kept telling me to keep up. I thought she would win but just as we reached the entrance to the trees, I was able to run past her and won! She cheered for me as we disappeared into the woods. I loved it here. So many trees and logs to climb on. I always pretended there were unicorns and fairies hiding, and I was going to find them. Mom let me chase around the invisible unicorns for a little bit, but then we had to get home. I didn’t argue too much.

At home, mom opened up some of my favorite puzzles and put them on the floor. She said she could finish her puzzle before I could finish mine. No way, I said, and dove into my puzzle box.

I must have lost track of time. It seemed like it was getting dark. I looked up and saw mom had closed all of the blinds in the house. Normally, she likes the sunlight coming in. When I asked her why she did that, she said she had a little headache and the sun was hurting her head.

“Close your eyes and count to ten.”

I counted to ten a little faster than normal and peeked to see my mom kneeling in front of me. In one hand she had her headphones that only mom got to listen to. In the other hand she had some candy from the secret candy drawer that she wouldn’t let me go into.

“Want to try out my headphones?”

Of course I did! Mom said when she wears them, she doesn’t hear anything in the world but her music. It was like magic. She placed the headphones over my ears and handed me her iPad and let me pick any music to listen to. I hit play and boy was she right! All the sounds around just stopped and all I could hear was my music. Mom let me pick a few pieces of candy. I leaned against the couch, tore open the candy wrapper, closed my eyes, and listened to nothing but my music.

Best. Day. Ever.

I had been on the phone all night. I don’t think I got any sleep. I had called everyone who may have any information. Nobody knew anything. Nobody had heard anything was happening near us. My husband doesn’t just not come home, I told them. Not without texting or calling. They all tried to calm me down, not to jump to conclusions. None of the hospitals had anyone matching his description. There had been no reports of any accidents. We had been told he was not on any of the lists and that he had nothing to worry about. Even though, we had come up with plans. If he felt something was wrong, he would stay away from home and contact me. We had a go-bag ready just in case we all had to leave. People told us we were overreacting, but everything felt different now.

Last night he didn’t come home. No text. No call. Nothing. No word from any of his coworkers or friends. It took some convincing to assure Sarah that everything was OK. Her daddy was just stuck at work. I think she believed me. I hate lying to her.

My friends told me to act like nothing was wrong. “Business as usual,” they said. Send Sarah to school, go to work, act normal. Everything would be fine.

Nothing felt fine. Not for some time now. I called the school and said Sarah wouldn’t be coming in. They said I wasn’t the only parent who had called saying the same thing. Oh god, is it happening?

Sarah won’t understand. She’s too young. I made her pancakes for breakfast and hoped she wouldn’t ask too many questions.

As she ate, I called anyone who may have information. No one knew anything definite. Some heard rumors, but they were just that, rumors. Maybe you should leave, a few of them said. Just keep the routine the same, others advised.

I had to get out of the house. The walls were crashing in. Sarah seemed more than happy to go play, so we walked to the park. I needed a distraction but it never came. My brother called as Sarah ran up the slide. He’d heard reports. Under the radar incidents.

“What does that mean?” I asked. His silence told me all I needed to know. After a minute, he told me it may be best to grab the go-bag and get out of town. Just until we know more. He’d meet me as soon as he could.

He paused for a moment. “Hurry,” he finally said.

I raced Sarah home, scared to be out in the open. We took a shortcut through the woods. I was on the verge of a panic attack. Seeing Sarah running through the trees helped. I knew what my focus was. My purpose.

I needed to distract Sarah while I made sure arrangements were in place. My husband and I had gone over the details so many times. What to take, what to hide, where to go. I was almost ready when the phone rang again.

The roads were blocked. There was no way out of town. Not without going on foot, and that would be hard to do. It was uncertain what was going to happen. If the blockades were just checkpoints or if this were something bigger.

I hung up the phone and began closing all the blinds. My heart was racing. I checked on Sarah. She was so sweet, working on her puzzles. I thought of her dad. Tomas told me everything would be OK. Even though we both knew it may not be. Tomas. Where are you? Please be ok. Please.

Outside, I heard a car alarm. I peaked through the blinds. My heart skipped a beat as an armored car drove by fast. Oh god. No.

Sarah had to sense something was wrong when I practically sprinted into the room. I didn’t know what to do.

“Close your eyes and count to ten,” I told her. I was grasping for anything, and then I saw my headphones on the table. 

As Sarah listened to her music, I tried calling my brother. No answer. Suddenly, I heard a single gunshot in the distance. I ran to the go-bag and checked for what I already knew was there. The gun was loaded so tucked it back into the bag. I heard a yell coming from somewhere.

I ran to Sarah and, as calmly as I could, removed the headphones.

“Hey, baby. We are gonna go down in the basement, ok?” When she asked why, I wasn’t sure what to tell her.

“Remember when your daddy and I said we may need to hide for a little bit?”

“From the bad people?”

I just nodded at her. It was heartbreaking to see her understand. She hugged me, took my hand, and we walked to the basement. A million thoughts raced through my head.

……I’ve never seen that look on my mom’s face. I feel bad for the bad people if they come here.